It sometimes feels like we are surrounded by judgement, especially online. In the travel-sphere, where communities chat and enthuse about travel all day long, there are still judgements made; even though the heart is usually in the right place. We all travel differently, so why do we judge others for the way that they choose to travel.
I put out a tweet to discuss this subject with the online community of travel enthusiasts I am part of – see original tweet below. I will be quoting replies throughout this article.
Why so judgy?
First let’s introduce the psychology of ‘attribution’ – how we attribute things to personality or situation in order for us to explain things that we don’t understand. It’s a coping mechanism essentially, to allow us to move through life without fixating on the WHY. Humans overwhelmingly attribute behaviour to personality over situation, which is why things feel ‘judgy’.
If a colleague is rude to us, we can attribute that rudeness to personality (they are a horrible person), or give them the benefit of the doubt and presume it is because they are tired or stressed (the situation is difficult, not them). This does not excuse bad behaviour, but it does help us choose rationale and pragmatism over judgement. Read more about conscious communication and attribution in Psychology Today.
From a good place, but with bad phrasing
Judgement type number one that came up in our twitter discussion was what I like to call ‘judgy lite’. It comes from a good place, and often from a place of disbelief – “I can’t believe you didn’t visit the Louvre when you were in Paris”.
Yes, the Louvre may be the best museum you have ever visited, and enriched your life. But that doesn’t mean it is necessarily a priority for others visiting Paris. A different way to phrase it would be “Did you visit the Louvre? We had the most inspirational time there when we visited Paris”… “No? What did you see? Did you have a great time doing those things?”
In the interests of full transparency and self reflection, this is probably the kind of judgement I make the most. It is a valid feeling to have, shock or disbelief that something may’ve been overlooked… but we don’t know the situation, nor must we hold onto our own travel values so tightly we don’t see the breadth of experience possible. Our way is not the only way. Self reflection is a gift.
Holier than thou
Pip Jones from PipAndTheCity.com came out with an absolute beauty of a line in response to my original tweet:
We have probably all encountered the ALL OR NOTHING traveller. The do-as-I-do traveller, who believes their way of travelling is the only way to experience the world. If that way of travelling enriches their life, then all the power to them. But to deem any other style of travel ‘less than’ is very judgemental and well, downright incorrect.
Once again we are reminded of our inclination to attribute that which we don’t understand to personality instead of situation. To those people who deemed me ‘not a real traveller’ due to my choice to use a roller case instead of a backpack – they didn’t know of my experience getting my pack stuck in the metro ticket gates, or that I have back problems, so choose to roll.
I shouldn’t have to explain myself, what luggage I choose is nobody’s business. And what is a ‘real traveller’ anyway? Pfft. To all the ‘unwashed bros’ telling you your journey isn’t valid because of X, Y and Z – tell them to p*ss off!
Sensitivity, insecurity or jealousy
Sometimes judgement comes from sensitivity, insecurity or jealousy. We have all done it or experienced it. Our lives and our experiences influence how we attribute things to people. Having a bad experience travelling solo may make us sensitive to the subject. Being insecure about our body may make a beach holiday seem terrifying. Or if poor, the talk of expensive holidays may put our heckles up.
We are a combination of our lived experiences, but our awareness of these influences can mean we can understand our own reactions to things better.
Solo travel seems to be a contentious issue. From those who have never tried it, to those who won’t try it because of underlying fears or insecurities, and those who can’t imagine travelling with a partner or friend because they love their independence. Our perceptions of the world can have impact on how we interact with others, and being conscious of our own biases can help our communication.
We are ALL tourists
In my opinion, the term ‘authentic’ is misused in relation to travel most of the time. In reality, given that ALL travellers are tourists, can anyone really have an ‘authentic’ travel experience? Granted, we can experience genuinely, and we can dive into a culture or situation. But we will be viewing these experiences through the lens of a visitor. And there may also be layers of filters on what is offered to us by locals – whether that be performative, protective or distanced.
Authentic – of undisputed origin and not a copy; genuine
Oxford dictionary
In what I like to refer to as the ‘tourist gaze‘, our view as a visitor to a place is innately ‘other’ and inherently influenced by our own experiences in our home country. And that’s OK! To pretend we aren’t all tourists feels more inauthentic than to just accept it and do what you can to make connections wherever you go.
Stop! Wait a minute…
One group of travellers who seems to get a lot of flack are cruise-goers. But it is this very group who has also mastered the witty comeback and care-less attitude in response to their critics. It makes you wonder, how many snarky comments must these folk have received in order to get so good at the comebacks?!
I must admit, going on a cruise doesn’t really appeal to me. However, I am going to give it a go at some point, because I want to try different styles of travel and confirm or debunk my own assumptions.
As I get older, and more pragmatic thankfully, my own style of travel is evolving and ageing with me (a good comfy bed is a must these days). And as a result, I try not to think so much in the black and white shades of my youth.
We live in a world full of people travelling for a myriad of reasons, those who travel differently from us or for different reasons. It’s up to all of us to find the common ground to connect, or the differing ground from which to learn… or to walk on by sans judgement.
Cheers to travelling, for whatever reason and in whatever style!
May you learn and grow, change and prosper!
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All photos & content © Hannah Henderson and may not be used without permission (sharing this blog post is fine, though!). Images shot with a Canon DSLR T3i Rebel + Canon EF-S 18-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS STM; and an iPhone 13pro.
This was such a fascinating read! It really made me think about my own travel experiences and how I often feel like I have to cram everything into my trip for fear of someone saying I missed out on that one “must-do” activity! Sometimes it makes my trips exhausting trying to please everyone else! Equally, I probably have unfairly judged people who enjoy different travel to me. The fact that we all love to travel in our own way is such a wonderful thing and it’s what makes tourism thrive at destinations all around the world! Thanks for sharing such a thought-provoking post!
I love this! I feel it’s so true. In my travel circle we get judged for trying to fit too much in by people that consider themselves “slow travelers”. Why can’t both be good? I’ll certainly remember to change my reaction from “I can’t believe you didn’t see ….” To “Tell me what you loved about it!”
I was once told I travelled wrong because I chose a group tour. So I completely relate to your article.
That’s harsh! I don’t personally like group tours – but I can totally see their advantage and why some people would pick them. You do you!
People who know lleven about traveling from social media and TV are usually so critical! An actual travel makes us tolerant and open-minded, so there’s no time to waste on critics
Definitely! Travel more, worry less!
I really enjoyed this fascinating post. It reminded me of the old saying, “travel broadens the mind”… well, at least it should! Ultimately we are all visitors and surely every travel experience and every style is valid.
I love this (and not just because I get a quote in it!). If everyone was the same and travelled in the same way imagine how boring it would be. Vive la difference I say!
I loved reading this (and great idea for an article, too)! I’m definitely guilty in my day-to-day life of being judgy-lite as you say. I try not to be like that when it comes to travel, though. I loved the comment someone made about how eating ramen with a group of strangers is the real Europe experience haha I’ve talked with my wife about that. I guess you get to save a lot of money to see more things, but the cuisine is such a vital part of culture that you’re missing out on so much…but like the point of the article – to each their own!
People travel for such varied reasons that there couldn’t possibly be “one right way.”
Exactly!
This is a great post and I hope it gets people thinking about not being so judgy of others travels. I’ve definitely got questioned for not seeing the louvre when I visited Paris. Social media definitely brings out way more judgement.
What a great article Hannah! I’ve always traveled to experience the world and to participate in activities that were meaningful to me and my family. When I first noticed the judgmental comments posted in different forums I thought “Is there something I should do differently?” Then I thought “Nope. I’m happy with the way I’ve customized my travels.” Personally I love cruising because it maximizes time with my family, and truly allows me to relax and enjoy a stress-free vacation. And when it comes to acting like a tourist? I could drive 2 hours away from home and still have “touristy” moments in another city. It’s all a part of having fun when I travel.